Coming Out of Homosexuality: New Freedom for Men and Women by Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel (InterVarsity Press, 1993, 202 pp.). “APA Halts Conversion Therapy Change”, Christianity Today, July 18, 1994.
by Dr. Ralph Blair
Polls find that almost half of American teens view the Bible as the inspired word of God and most of these believe that it’s to be interpreted literally – in the English. Given conventional antigay preaching, these findings mean that those among them who grow up homosexually are forced to conclude that such a Bible literally teaches that God condemns every expression of the only sexual desires they ever experience. After already praying countless prayers and making countless bargains with God, trying to come out of their homosexuality – all to no avail – it’s understandable that they would reach for this new book that seductively promises to “open up a new level of freedom and depth of insight beyond what you dreamed possible”. Another cover blurb adds: “I will highly recommend this book to those who struggle with homosexuality and despair of finding their way out.” But unless honest readers look elsewhere than to this double-talking book, they’ll be unable not to despair. And tragically, in that despair, they’ll likely do what too many other young Christian gay men and lesbians have done: they’ll reluctantly conclude that evangelicalism has nothing helpful to say on homosexuality (and therefore perhaps on anything else) and then drift away from faith and the Christian community that fails to understand them, and they will “come out” into a secular subculture that, while just as unrealistic in other ways, at least knows better than to insist, against the best biblical and psychological evidence, that one’s deep homosexuality is something one can or needs to come out of.
The two authors are leaders in the “ex-gay” movement. The book is dedicated to another leader “in the ex-gay movement” and repeatedly refers to “former lesbians and ex-gay men”, “former homosexuals”, and “ex-gays”. But just how ex-gay is “ex-gay”?
Davies and Rentzel say “Change is Possible”. But they immediately speak in terms of people having “left behind [something the authors call] the gay and lesbian lifestyle … [or] the homosexual subculture”. Though these are sociological terms rather than psychological, they call these people “ex-gays and former lesbians”.
To the question, “Will I Become Heterosexual?” as an “ex-gay”, the authors admit that “a strong, even passionate lust when looking at an attractive member of the opposite sex … certainly is not our goal in being healed. God does not replace one form of lust with another.” This tricky use of the term, “lust”, can’t hide the fact that, while it is true that their “ex-gays” don’t experience heterosexual lust, their “ex-gays” do experience homosexual lust. As they illustrate: “In the summer, when everyone dresses in skimpier clothing … the visual stimulation soars [among] ex-gays” when they’re around attractive members of the same sex. The authors admit: “Most ex-gay men do not struggle with sexual temptation for women in general [no matter how skimpy the clothing], at least not the strong visual attraction experienced by most straight men.” They agree that “Ex-gay men may not feel an overwhelming physical attraction to their future spouse [and that] the majority [of “ex-gay” men] do not experience sexual arousal solely by looking at their wife’s body.” No wonder the authors say that recovery is “a lifelong process” and warn against getting “so focused on the issue of homosexuality”. Their “ex-gays” are not ex-gay at all!
On the question of staying with or leaving one’s longtime same-sex companion, the authors say that “there is no simple answer that fits all situations”. But if the “ex-gays” continue to engage in any genital sex, “separation is mandatory”. (These “ex-gays” seem to be tempted to more continued genital activity than are most other long-term couples – gay or straight!) If one does leave, however, and experiences loneliness – during which “old sexual habits return” – the authors recommend working out at a gym, going to flea markets, or a nice candlelight dinner for one!
At the end the authors list eight other books on “Overcoming Homosexuality”, of which only four are written by other “ex-gays”. Old testyimonies by now ex-“ex-gay” leaders are, of course, missing (e.g., Grindstaff, Charles, Evans, Linehan, Johnson, Hurst, Bussee, Cooper, Kasper, Reid, Notch, McGaw, Houck, Rodriguez, Shears, etc.)
In a news item on the American Psychiatric Association’s possible move to disapprove of so-called “reparative therapy” for homosexuals, Christianity Today adds its voice to a repeated falsehood that has become a conventional “truth” of antigay rhetoric: that the APA’s 1973 removal of homosexuality from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual “was attributable more to ‘the work of sociopolitical activists than to science’.” But for the past two decades, the man CT quotes here has been the loudest “sociopolitical activist” fighting the APA’s decision. The DSM revision on homosexuality was based on the very same criterion which every category in the old list of mental disorders had to pass to stay on the list, i.e.: it had to be “typically associated with either a painful symptom (distress) or impairment in one or more important areas of functioning (disability).” Had homosexuality been kept on that list, it would have been the only “condition” that failed to meet this standard.